I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
