highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
