i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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