And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
