this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
this is an emotional support booty call
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Pants are for mortals
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
