My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
