he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
