No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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