he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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