i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
