Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
