jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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