the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
