Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
