i think my mom watched the whole time
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
