she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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