I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
