No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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