You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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