I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
