Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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