whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
