Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
