My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
