Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
