you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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