I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
