??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
