Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
