She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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