In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
only you would photoshop your dick
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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