took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
