my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
