girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
