Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
