I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
