Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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