Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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