Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
