11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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