is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
