I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
and she was petting her beer can
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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