we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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