the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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