she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
