You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
