My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
