SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
