I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
