Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
