I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
