omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
