as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
where am i from again
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
