dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
