Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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