ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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