How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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