He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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