I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
