were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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