my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
