Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
