I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
