What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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