he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
