i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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