I'm so fucking centered right now
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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