I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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